I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him