playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back