I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?