He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
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figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
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Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night