Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
