i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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