Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
