I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
