I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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