Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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