i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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