I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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