There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
