we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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