I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
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I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
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I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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