Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
