And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
my poor anus
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
