you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
