Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
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i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
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I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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