someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead