Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
