You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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