there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
