you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
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Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
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Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize