Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
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It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
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This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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