Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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