Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
