He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
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I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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