I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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