Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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