its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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