you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
