You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
