i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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