I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
