are you still at the devil's house?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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