dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
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The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
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That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The adults are the big ones right?
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