This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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