can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
