Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
