i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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