I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
