Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
