Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
