i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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