Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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