worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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