Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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