i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
