You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
