you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment