How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
