When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
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Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
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Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness