Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
