I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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