I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
